How to stop comparing yourself to friends and coworkers

How to stop comparing yourself to friends and coworkersHow to stop comparing yourself to friends and coworkersOn a regular old day, youre plugging along, attending to the work tasks in front of you. Maybe youre plotting out what assignments are coming up. Maybe youre engrossed in a project with a tight deadline. Either way, youre feeling good, generally speaking, about your work, your career decisions and progress.And then you do it.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreYou compare yourself to a friend or colleague who has more influence, juice, salary or fill in the blank than you. And now you feel like a low life.For fruchtwein of us, its tempting to compare ourselves to others. In doing so, we might glean a new way to approach our work. We may be inspired to take a risk like our counterpart has done. But for the most part,comparison doesnt leave women feeling good. It usually robs us of any gift weve ever felt slightly good about. The comparisons that we get hooked on- and that leaving us feeling crappy- are energy vampires that we cant afford to indulge.Consider these alternatives the next time youre tempted to compare yourself to someoneRepeat They have their story, I have mineBloggerJustin Zoradioffers up this brilliant bit of advice, something that Ive personally called upon many times. Our lives dont progress like swim lanes at the Olympics, where were competing against others on a clock- and only one winner can emerge. Our lives bob, weave, and zigzag at different rates. In realizing this, comparing yourself to others seems a) impossible to do, and b) ridiculousTake a strengths-based approachOften we undervalue what we bring to the table and overvalue what someone else brings. I propose a different model of operating where we as women identify, hone, and recognize the value and expertise we have. Keep an ongoing log of accolades youve received, successf ul projects youve led, and top honors youve garnered. Be a student of this list- so that you can turn those strengths into superpowers. An extra bonus you will be in a far betterposition to negotiate a deal or raisewhen youve have this log of contributions at your fingertips.Include, rather than judge and compareSometimes when Im most envious of someone elses success, I realize that at the heart of that feeling is respect and admiration. I may admire the chance someone took on their idea, their gumption to launch a new product or their success at attracting a certain font of client. Next time you feel lacking next to someone else, think about how you could learn from them. Invite them to coffee or send them a short email. Explain that you admire their ability to fill in the blank and that youd love to learn how they honed their skills. Just as you want to be recognized for your unique talents, others do as well.Last time I checked, no one wants to feel belittled or minimized. But th ats exactly what results when you regularly compare yourself to others. As the French proverb says, To compare is not to prove.This article originally appeared on Be Leaderly.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people